Wednesday, May 27, 2009

She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny...

So lately I've been having quite a few conversations with different people about bathing suits. I guess because summer is right around the corner and soon everyone will be making their way to the beaches and pools. To be honest, I have no idea why it's ok for women to wear bikinis to the beach, but not ok for them to walk around in their bra and underwear. Is it because one has been deemed "swimwear" and therefore appropriate to wear outside? If we stop to think about it, both cover about the same amount of skin and sometimes the swimwear actually covers less. Yet, somehow it is perfectly fine to flaunt your body simply because you are at the beach wearing a bikini. Call me a prude, but I find something very wrong with this picture especially being a Christian women.

My concern is not really about the bikinis themselves, but about the concept of purity. Normally I would say it's about modesty, but my husband pointed out that modesty is relative. Society dictates what's modest throughout time. Obviously, in this particular time in history, bikinis are not immodest. But I do think they challenge God's idea of purity. As Christian women, we need to realize the power we have to either encourage our brothers in Christ towards purity and away from sin or present a stumbling block in front of them with our bodies. Men are visually stimulated and seeing a woman's body in a bikini (or any other revealing clothing for that matter) can cause them to think lustful thoughts and tempt them towards sin. Is this what we want? Instead we should "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24) Ultimately, a man is responsible for his own actions and thoughts, but why not help him along? Why not choose to encourage instead of tempt? For some reason, this just sounds like a good idea.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Much needed update

Ok, wow. I just realized that I have not blogged since early February and so much has happened from then to now.

John and I found out we were pregnant early February. As you know, we have a history of ectopic pregnancy. I was pregnant last August and made it to 8 weeks before we found out the pregnancy was ectopic meaning the fetus attaches itself in the fallopian tube rather than in the uterus. I had to have emergency surgery. So being pregnant again was met with cautious optimism. We tried to guard our feelings just in case this pregnancy ended the same way the first one did. After 3 1/2 weeks of blood tests every 3 days, it was determined that this pregnancy was in fact ectopic as well. Because of the careful monitoring of my levels, we did not have to have surgery again. Instead, my doctor injected me February 27 with an anti-cancer drug that basically stops all rapidly reproducing cells. Pretty much we stopped the pregnancy from progressing.

This was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. There's no way to know for sure a pregnancy is ectopic unless the doctor actually goes inside and takes a look. But based on my levels, my doctor was sure the pregnancy was abnormal. I don't know if I was so sure. I don't know if I was in denial because I wanted that baby so badly or if I was just hopeful because I have God on my side. Either way, I felt ending the pregnancy was killing my baby. I wasn't ok with that reality. I knew logically that allowing an ectopic pregnancy to progress puts my life in danger, but how could I make the call to end it when there wasn't a 100% guarantee?

Thinking about it now, I'm still not comfortable with my decision. It just breaks my heart. The first time this happened, there was no doubt the pregnancy was ectopic and needed to be removed. This time, there was just so much gray area. I don't do well with gray. Those of you who know me, know that about me. I tend to think in more black and white. This situation was covered in gray and I found it hard to navigate. I still can't make sense of my decision and it took some time to allow God to comfort me. I'll post all about that in the next few days.